Holding On to Independence: A Caregiver’s Story
Hello again, it’s Cheryl Pegues with LifeSmartConcepts, bringing you a little Something to Consider.
Not long ago, I witnessed something that stopped me in my tracks. My mother—a woman whose intelligence, practicality, and common sense I deeply admire—was standing at the foot of the stairs. Nothing strange there… until I realized she had her walker propped up on the first step.
She was trying to push it up the stairs.
Needless to say, I stopped her immediately. “Mom, what are you doing?” I asked in disbelief. And her answer? “I just wanted to see if I could still do it.”
That moment stuck with me. It reminded me of my two-year-old grandson who already wants to do everything by himself. As children grow, they crave independence. And the truth is, that never really goes away. We all want to feel capable—especially as we age.
But the aging process brings changes that many aren’t ready to accept. Sometimes, it’s due to injury or illness. Other times, it’s just age slowly taking its toll on strength and energy. Either way, it can feel like a loss—of identity, confidence, or freedom.
As caregivers or loved ones, we may see a risky situation and rush to fix it. But what we might miss is the internal struggle behind that resistance. It's not always about pride. Sometimes, it's about grief. Grief for the abilities we used to have. Grief for the version of ourselves we’re slowly having to let go of.
I share this story not to warn you about walkers on stairs (although—please don’t ever try that), but to highlight the emotional side of caregiving. When someone pushes back, it’s not always personal. It’s part of a difficult transition.
What can you do? Be patient. Stay kind. Help them find a modified way to do what they’re trying to do. Honor their effort, while gently keeping them safe. Because it’s not just about helping someone up the stairs—it’s about helping them hold on to who they are.
Until next time,
Cheryl Pegues
LifeSmartConcepts, LLC.
Providing compassionate companion care in Denver, Colorado